You know, there's one surefire way to really piss me off. Like one REALLY good way to just cut to the chase and ask for a bloody nose. That one way would be to lie to me.
Seriously, I cannot stand people who lie and I especially cannot stand it from fake, stupid people who act one way to your face but honestly don't really feel that way about you.
I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. One of them being that I tried to make friends online. Granted, there are STILL a lot of people in my life that I've met online that I still like and wish to know more and maybe some day meet them in the real world. But one person in particular that I've met online has basically reeled me into being suspicious of EVERYONE I've become acquainted with via some online means. It's just so easy to lie when you're behind a computer screen. Lying and being completely honest come 100 times easier than they would in real life. You can open up to people online much more than you can talking face to face because there isn't that immediate pressure that someone is going to judge you. It's easier to do since there's a protective barrier between you and the other person. But it's also a lot easier to lie. It's a lot easier to hide your feelings and it's a lot easier to just...trick someone into believing something about you.
I met someone online that I really liked. Probably better than I've liked a lot of people. Granted, I kind of developed "pedestal syndrome" with this person. I tend to do this sometimes. It has only really happened with one other person in my life and it wasn't too disastrous. I just ended up drooling after a boy for three years that solely ended up being gay and a humongous drug addict. After I realized who this person was the pedestal just crumbled. It wasn't even his homosexuality. Because being this person's friend was enough for me. It was the fact that he let multiple chemicals rule his life, steal his intelligence and his health. I can't respect someone like that. Someone that hurts themselves and others by the way they act. So after that first pedestal syndrome episode, I wasn't intending on doing that with anyone else. Until I met this previously mentioned friend. The thing is, I saw so much good in this person. I saw so much sunshine, so much sweetness, so much love in this person. I cared for this person more than I cared about anyone else because they were the first person that I'd met in a long time that was a legitimately good person. I'm not saying that I was wrong. I still think he's a relatively nice person. The thing is, that he just doesn't want to be nice to me.
I'd much rather someone tell me, "I really don't give a crap about you, you don't mean shit to me and I don't really want to be close with you. End of story" than lie to me and play this sick back and forth game where some days we're cool and some we're not. And then to go ahead and lie to me as to not hurt my feelings? I've just basically had enough. I was REALLY good to this person too. And I think that's what hurts the most. I really put a lot of effort into making this person happy and loving on this person. Eff it.
I'm tired and I'm really upset. From now on I'm not going to bother anyone. If they want to talk to me then they can do that. I'm just not going to tolerate this anymore. I AM planning on writing a little something for all of the days I've missed. Please stay tuned for that. Otherwise I'm cutting this short. I'm just so mad right now. Sorry for the grumpiness.
End Day 82
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