Day Eight: No More Miss Nice Girl

All my life there's been one defining characteristic to my personality over the years had earned me both praise and shame...surprisingly, mostly shame. I'm a nice person. That typically doesn't sound like something that would earn me some kind of social stigmatism. But if we're all really honest with ourselves, no one really like nice people. I've come to this realization after years and years of being rejected and let down by tons and tons of people on that basis that I'm "too nice". I don't understand this at all. You would THINK that nice people would get more out of life because that's what they teach us as children to keep us in line. But if you really look at all the people who have gotten ahead in life and the things that they want...they're not exactly opening doors for people.
This is the level of nice that I am. When I come into a new classroom setting, I always exchange emails with someone sitting near me that looks nice so that in case they need notes I am ready and available to give it to them. I ALWAYS make sure that everyone is fed and happy when in my household. I cleanup after people without being asked. I do favors for people without being asked. If someone asks me to do something for them the answer is IMMEDIATELY yes. I love to GIVE things to people for free. I adore giving presents. I would literally give someone the shoes off my feet if they needed it. Someone else's happiness is worth so much more to me than my own. I would give my own life for pretty much anyone. I am patient and kind and understanding and I WANT to love everyone. And if I could live this kind of lifestyle without getting hurt, then ok...someone please make a saint. But REALLY? I can't do this all the time. And the more that I look at the situation I see that I honestly shouldn't be this way at all. In fact...it's a curious thing but people who are MEAN actually get more out of life than people who are nice.
This is why from here on out I am going to be a different person. First and foremost...I am the most important person to me. This is really hard for me to type and say and even harder for me to carry out in practice. I am SO attuned to doing everything for everyone else and putting others before me. But I have let my life go to shit because I have been letting people go before me. And I think it's about time that I cut someone off.
I spent two years of my life catering to another human being. Precious years that I won't get back. Those two transitional years between high school and college I basically handed over to another person who did not love me or care about my wellbeing. While I could have been having fun with friends and making new acquaintances and coming out of my shell, I was in my apartment becoming a recluse dedicating all my time and energy into making someone else happy. And I swear to God I'm not doing that again. The next man that walks into my life is just going to have to put his big boy pants on and do some stuff for himself. I am not any man's personal servant, maid or checking account. I do not cook dinner just to be ignored for the rest of the night and let the television, gaming system or computer screen to soak up all the attention I should be getting. I do not do someone's laundry to break my back standing over a couch for three hours folding twice the laundry I have to with no help whatsoever. See that's what the problem is with being nice.
People do it..they can't help it...they take advantage of you. This ties into my number one pet peeve: PEOPLE WHO DO NOT CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS WHATSOEVER. It is SO mind numbing for me to try and relate to someone who just cannot comprehend any other person's feelings outside of their own. It just....no it doesn't even register with me. I would NEVER take advantage of someone the way that people take advantage of me. Here are some examples:

1. Giving people notes: I offered to give notes to someone in class once. As a favor because I could see they were struggling. That person missed class almost EVERYDAY with the expectation that I was going to give him notes. And for what?? That person never talked to me again after that class was over. The shameful thing is...I really liked him and I wanted to get to know him and he honestly wanted NOTHING to do with me. All he wanted me for was my note-taking abilities.

2. Helping people out in class: One of my good friends and I ended up in a class together. We had known each other since we were 8. This boy has more money than I do, but he didn't want to buy the textbook. He's a psychology major yet he doesn't believe he has to pay for psychology textbooks. So he hooked into me...and asked me if I wanted to study with him for the first test so we could both look at my textbook. Of course, nice Katie says "OF course!" The next test rolls around, and I let my other friend borrow my book to study for her test because she left her's by her mom's house on accident. Now...there is NO written rule that says "Because we've been friends since we were 8, you are totally allowed to mooch off of my book every time you need it". I never told him that he could use my book for EVERY test. So when he texts me...the night before the test asking if he can borrow my book and I don't have it, he FLIPS on me and calls me a bitch and a horrible friend and all kinds of shit because I didn't give him my book to study. Then he threatens me that if I don't let him borrow my book for the entire semester he's not going to sign the roll for me ever again. Like I never did THAT for HIM either??

3. People taking things from me without asking: Apparently because I'm so nice...this gives people license to take things from me without asking. Certain members of my family...I won't name names...think that it is PERFECTLY fine to walk into my room and steal anything they want. Just help themselves. Take my clothes, my shoes, my pencils, my notebooks, my beauty products, my jewelry...because I won't stand up for myself. "Oh Katie's too nice to stand up for herself and say anything". And then when I DO stand up for myself...people look at me like I have a serious form of mental retardation. Like...I can't say no to people...I'm too nice to say no to people. But...my mom gave me my two favorite movies on DVD for my birthday. Do you know...that TWO DIFFERENT people have taken those movies from me without asking and didn't return them?? Those movies are important to me!! So why did I let them take them??? Because I'm not aggressive enough.

First person: "Oh this is my favorite movie. I'm going to borrow this from you."
What I said: "Oh um...yeah sure."
What I should have said "NO douche! I don't even know you. ASK ME before you take it. You're not "GOING TO BORROW" anything from me without asking."

Second person: "Who's movie is this?"
Me: Mine.
Second person: Oh ok. I'm borrowing it.
Me: Well...my mom gave me those movies to me and one's already been borrowed and..."
Second person: (looks at me like I have mental retardation) I'm going to RETURN IT.
What I should have said: NO YOU ARE NOT! YOU BORROWED MY SHOES FROM ME LAST SEMESTER AND I DIDN'T GET THEM BACK FOR A MONTH. THOSE WERE MY FAVORITE SHOES AND WHEN I GOT THEM BACK THEY WERE RUINED!
What I said: "Oh ok"

And here's the kicker. NO matter how much shit I do for people, no matter how much I give to people, no matter what I do...no one EVER does anything for me in return. Or when they do they act like it's a huge deal. Ok...there are some exceptions to this. My mom and my roommate. My roommate does A LOT for me and doesn't ask for anything in return. I try to pay her back for all the stuff she does for me but seriously...she's like Superwoman. There's nothing I can do to HELP HER. She is like...seriously...a comic book superhero. And my mom. I totally take advantage of my mom. She is the ONLY person I do this. I hardly do anything for her and she does A LOT of stuff for me and I DO feel remorse about this. But my mommy has always taken care of me and I sort of can't help but act like her spoiled brat daughter around her. She's kind of trained me to be like that. Kind of like Pavlov's dogs...
Anyway. But I will give some examples of this.

1. TWO members of my family that will go unnamed here....completely take advantage of me. One in particular...I do SO much for. And this is been something that has really hurt me badly over the years and I can't tell this person how I feel because they will completely chop my balls off and hang me out to dry. So I guess you can say I'm a bit...afraid of this person. I am this person's own personal bitch when I'm home. Whatever this person wants me to do...I HAVE to do. Whatever this person needs....I HAVE to get it for them. Whenever this person wants me to give them advice...I HAVE to give advice and I HAVE to say the right thing or...execution time. How this all started: When this person was little...I pretty much took it upon myself to do everything for them. I felt it was "part of my duty" to this person. That's a load of B fucking S now I see...but as much as this person REFUSES to remember anything I ever did for them...I really...really tried to cater to this person. And over time it became...a habit for this person to have me do everything for them. I will use the prime example of "the glass of water". This person would be sitting on the couch and ask me to get a glass of water for them while I was in the kitchen. Of course I had no problem doing this for them. Then after several years of me getting this glass of water for them...they began to expect it. It started going from "If you're in the kitchen can you get me a glass of water?" to "Get me a glass of water". Even if I wasn't in the kitchen. Then it turned to, "Get me a glass of water." "No I don't want to." "WHAT?? YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH!" And then moreover...when I would ask "Can you get me a glass of water please?" This person would ALWAYS say "Get it yourself." Now as GROWN ADULTS...this person REFUSES to do anything for me if I ask them. It's like this person has it ingrained in their mind that "KATIE IS THE SLAVE AND I AM THE MASTER. MASTERS NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR SLAVES". This person is so adamant about ordering me around..that if I EVER tell them no...or hesitate with an answer....they will either RIP MY ASS UP AND DOWN THE STREET or snap at me because I'm not replying fast enough. This is a situation that has literally broken my heart over the years because I really love this person a lot. And it really hurts my feelings that they treat me this way. And moreover, it hurts worse that they WILL NOT SEE their error in the way they treat me and they refuse to believe that they can EVER be wrong.
But even my best friends...I will go above and beyond for them and they never offer to do anything for me. They won't even call me if I don't call them first. It's just....I'm sick of being stepped all over. I'm sick of being that nice girl that gets trampled on because she's too weak.

So from this moment forward I am not doing shit for anyone. I am....really sick of being treated like a doormat. It just isn't fair. This whole feeling was spurred by something really benign actually. A guy that's in my class asked me to tell him what we did in class on Friday because he wasn't going to be there. I have no problem doing this. I really don't. It's not that hard for me to tell someone what we did. And in fact this person hasn't done anything wrong at all. But it made me realize...when I started freaking out today "Oh my God I don't think I sent that person a detailed enough description of what we did in class...I feel so bad...I'm such a bad person...ahhh I waited until Sunday to tell them too!!" And honestly...I became disgusted with myself. Why do I care? I told the person enough information...I don't need to write him a novel based on what we did in class Friday...just shut up Katie. Stop being TOO NICE. Of course...when this person WILL do something wrong is if they decide that they are going to miss class ALL THE TIME and expect me to tell them what we do. I don't think that's going to happen though because Anissa calls roll every morning...so yeah. I am also missing class on Friday morning and we'll see if this person reciprocates.

But here are the things I'm changing:

1. I'm not offering my services to anyone anymore. That's enough. I've learned that most people don't return the favor anyway so...no..I'm not going to do it anymore.
2. I'm not letting people borrow my stuff anymore. This is going to be hard especially when the person ALL OF A SUDDEN becomes a ray of sunshine towards you when they need something. Like "Oh HIIIII KATIE! :D HOW ARE YOU? IT'S WONDERFUL OUTSIDE IS IT. CAN I BORROW TEN DOLLARS?" Now how can I....be rude to someone who is all smiley and happy and "Oh I'll pay you back!" or "Oh I'll return it!" It's going to be hard. But I'm not doing it anymore.
3. I'm just not going to be a nice person anymore. I mean to strangers. Not to people that I'm close with. I am SO nice to strangers. I open doors for them...I give them my info to get notes from me...one time I even PAID $20 for this girl standing in line behind me in the bookstore because she looked like she was having a bad day. No more random acts of kindness. Sorry. But people just don't appreciate it. I held open the door for this guy the other day...I stood there for THREE minutes waiting for this guy to catch up so I could get the door for him. Usually people who hold the door open for you for MORE THAN 5 SECONDS get a smile and a "thank you very much!" But no. Not this guy. This guy walked RIGHT by me and didn't say anything. He looked like he was really a miserable person.
4. I am not treating men any different than I treat anyone else. Usually around boys I'm all bright-eyed and "Oh yes that's great!" *Smiles brightly* I don't know why...it's not like I want to BE with them or even really know them. I just...I don't know. I'm way nicer to guys than I am to girls. But seriously...I think it's because I've been back-stabbed by more girls than guys. But not anymore. I'm not going to smile at them...I'm not going to let them flirt with me to get notes or a study partner out of me. It's like...they KNOW I'm smart. And they KNOW they can mooch off of me because I'm the nerdy girl and I feel inferior to them so I'm going to give them what they want. Fuck that. No fucking more. In fact I'm not even going to pay attention to guys anymore. For all I'm concerned they don't even exist. Men LIKE women who don't pay attention to them anyway. Isn't that WEIRD?? They LOVE when women act like a bitch to them and ignore them. It's like the "chase incentive". It's weird and.....primitive. If a women readily gives herself to him...or acts NICE to him or treats him like a human being it's like "Ew gross..this girl is weird." That is the most...bizarre thought process I've ever heard of. I think it's only that way in America and some European countries though. I've never heard of Asian men acting that way. I think it's just a stupid American man thing. Someone please give me insight on this. Is this a typical thing with men around the world or only where I live??

Anyway that's my rant on why I'm not going to be a nice person anymore. I'm sick of treating myself like I have no self worth. I'm ALWAYS the one in the relationship to say "I love you" first. I'm ALWAYS the provider. I'm ALWAYS treated like the "Best dude friend" instead of the "girlfriend" in any relationship. I'm done. I am a certified BITCH and I'm happy to be one.
No more Miss Nice Girl.

Picture is of me blowing my diet and eating chips....CHIPS MY ARCH ENEMY! WHY ARE YOU DELICIOUS??? OM NOM NOM.