Day Ten: Almost Out of the Woods

Ok kids. I am definitely going to make up for tomorrow with this blog. I didn't even post the link to my Facebook last night because it was such a short and worthless entry. But I was having a social life for once. Not much of one compared to some of you guys but it was something. And plus I don't know how detailed of entries I'll be able to produce starting Friday and ending Tuesday. I'm going to be quite busy with my friends for the long Labor Day weekend and I want to be able to devote my full attention to them...so maybe I'll be able to sneak in a little time to blog. We'll see.
Anyway. Right now it is only 2:19 in the afternoon. Usually I blog somewhere around 10 pm to midnight but I have A LOT to do tonight and I really want to get to bed on time.
Tonight I want to:
A) Statistics homework
B) Finish French homework
C) Update my biology notes
D) Clean my apartment up a little for this weekend
E) Paint my nails (I know this sounds menial but I really have been wanting to do that)
F) Make some polymer clay videos. I've promised my other YouTube channel that I would pay attention to them.
G) Pack my lunch for tomorrow.

So I have a lot to do and I have to be in bed by midnight.
So here I am blogging.
Today I went to my Adolescent Psychology class which wasn't too boring. I really like the content and I'm starting to become immune to Umbridge's antics in class. Now if only it weren't so unbearably hot in there. The two guys that I sit in between aren't that bad. They DO give off a lot of body heat and the one of the right stinks like "man" but overall I didn't get too bad pickings. The one of the left's name is Adam and he's a pretty nice guy...he's not the brightest dude in the world though. Of course I really can't say that because....well here's what happened. Umbridge put us all in discussion groups so that we can talk about the notes and answer important questions and exchange ideas according to seating chart. She wanted us to come up with a creative name for our groups so that she could have fun calling us by weird names. Well Adam volunteered to be the speaker of our group and came up with our group name "The 504 Bandits". Which he told us the first day was a name he came up with that him and his buddies call each other because they're all from the 504 area code in Louisiana and...I don't get the Bandits part. Well the rest of the group didn't get it...but we were too...apathetic to come up with anything better. So today when Adam had to present our "504 Bandits" group to the class...Umbridge looks at us through her purple glasses and says "Why 504?" And Adam....completely dismissing the explanation he gave us the class before says "I don't know" and Umbridge says "I thought you were making a reference to 504 children...you know...retarded children." We were SO embarrassed. So apparently ADAM named us "The Retarded Children" on accident. WAY TO GO ADAM!! The whole class howled with laughter and our whole group GLARED at him. I however was the only nice one to him and kinda..gave him a playful shove and said "way to go" playfully which made him a little less mortified. (Why am I still being NICE??) So now we're stigmatized as "The Retards" in class. Which is HIGHLY inaccurate about ME. I'm probably the only person in my group with ANY common sense and logic. I don't know...maybe "The 504 Bandits" applies to everyone else in the group but NOT ME. I don't know why Adam just didn't speak up and say that 504 was his fucking area code but he just kind of stood there laughing like an idiot...
The rest of the class however we weren't really made fun of...in fact everyone's hostility turned towards Umbridge today. This woman is from Washington. An area of the country that is....WAY DIFFERENT than the Gulf Coast Southern America. It's literally like comparing apples and oranges. Almost like a different country altogether. People from that part of the world don't...get Southern American culture. They don't get our loud speaking, excessive physical contact, hospitality, amazing food, weird drunken holidays, need for festivals, and rich history. Especially Louisiana who has a whole new subculture within the Southern American culture. So she starts running her mouth about how STUPID Southern American culture is. Lady....there's ONE of you...and 95 of us. And all of us...are Southerners. You're playing with fire. She starts talking about how stupid we are for having festivals and dancing the the streets at holidays and our excessive alcohol use and how dumb Mardi Gras is....right when she said Mardi Gras was stupid you could feel the tension in the room rise and spread like wildfire. I was actually physically shrinking back in my seat because I thought there was going to be a screaming match. And Umbridge has this problem...where she DOES NOT KNOW WHEN TO SHUT HER TRAP. It's like...last class she went on for TWENTY minutes about masturbation and even ACTED IT OUT in class. Like...started humping her desk. She really...does not know when to quit. She thinks she's getting all this positive attention when people laugh..but it's NERVOUS LAUGHTER. NO ONE wants to see you hump a fucking table you idiot!! So she literally would not stop talking about how stupid Southern Americans are. I was about to jump out of my skin. WE'RE not the ones dressed in freakishly big dresses making fun of everyone and thinking we're funny and humping desks you freak! At least we're NICE PEOPLE! Wherever you come from people don't know how to be nice! So after that calmed down a bit...once she shut her face...everyone kind of....settled down and class got back to normal. I don't even know why she started talking about southerners being stupid. It didn't even apply to the lecture. Stupid.
And now I have to give Umbridge some credit. Today...Umbridge actually took down the goofy clown facade and TAUGHT us something worth knowing. Every single person in that classroom is taking that class because they are trying to learn how to understand teenagers for whatever reason. Mostly...the students in that classroom are psychology majors specializing in teen psychology such as myself, or education majors that will be dealing with adolescents in a classroom setting. So once Umbridge decided to stop cackling and making stupid noises and failing to educate us in any way, shape or form...she got serious. We were talking about positive and negative reinforcement and positive and negative punishments and this woman who is an education major raised her hand and asked what she should do in a classroom setting when a teenager is acting up. Umbridge got this look on her face that was quite reflective and it was amazing...we were all "OMG she's either about to pass gas or she's actually thinking!" And she gave us this 15 minute speech about the proper way to handle teenagers that act out and she was very...interesting. She really put it into perspective and made us realize where our own parents went wrong and where so many other teachers in high school go wrong. She backed up her argument with theories and textbook information and I kind of wanted to golf clap for her when she was done. But I didn't. It's amazing what you can learn from someone if they'd stop letting stupidity get in their way. So Umbridge proved her worth to me as a professor today. She showed us that she really is...smart and well read and can give us a proper lecture when she wants to. Then after that sudden change of pace she went back to being a circus freak.
But anyway. That was all I did today. Like I said I have plenty on my plate for tonight. I walked home today and I realized that it wasn't such a hard walk anymore. I mean it's still...long and grueling but I figured out halfway points and landmarks that tell me where I am on my journey. Like...when I hit a certain house I'm halfway to the halfway mark...when I hit a certain intersection I'm halfway there. When I hit the grocery store, I only have one more street to walk down....it makes it easier. And I feel lighter on my feet even though my shoes are still rubbing holes in my heels. I need to get some heel guards next time I go to the store. Ang good news is....I am almost out of the woods.
Yes I guess you were wondering what I was referring to in the title of this entry. It's not the MAIN topic of this entry but it's the most important. Being over 200 pounds is a horrifying, and self esteem ruining issue that has pretty much plagued me since junior year of high school. The heaviest I've ever been in my life was 222 pounds. Over the summer I lost 14 pounds weighing in at 208 when I started school. It has been a week and 2 days since I started school..and in that time I have lost 3 pounds. Which makes me 205 pounds. All I need to do is lose 5 more pounds and I am out of the 200s! Which is...very...very exciting for me. If you've never been drastically overweight in your life then I don't expect you to understand this. It is IMPOSSIBLE for someone who has never been overweight in their lives to understand what it feels like to be heavy. The emotion and physical pain. The inability to walk into a store and try on clothes. The looks you get, the comments and the verbal jabs people that at you. I have been overweight almost my entire life. And I have had to endure so much shit because of the way I look. For some reason it is perfectly ok for someone to openly make fun of a person for being fat. It is ok to laugh at people who are fat. It is ok to post hilarious pictures of fat people eating or trying to walk on the internet with horrible comments. And now according to Facebook...they have something where you can put your picture into a website and it generates a picture of you as a fat person and that's supposed to be funny. It's NOT FUCKING FUNNY. Would you go up to someone with cancer with no hair and say "Haha you're bald!" No. You wouldn't. It's not a laughing matter. I would love...for any girl in high school that ever looked at me and thought I was disgusting...anyone who ever made fun of me...to don an 80 pound body suit for an entire day and decide if you want to laugh at me for being fat. Your knees would hurt, your feet and hips would ache, your chest would hurt...it's not like it doesn't hurt because it's a part of your body. It hurts. Really bad. And I have back problems, problems with my legs and hips because of my excess weight. I have a disease called PCOS that makes me retain weight. I'm not going to blame my weight souly on PCOS...because I did eat bad food when I was younger...but I was uneducated about myself. I ate everything that everyone else my age ate. The problem was that I didn't know I COULDN'T have those kinds of things because of my body chemistry. I just didn't know. I never ate junk food when I was in high school...never ate fast food..never drank soda...which is much better than a lot of kids that age. But what I didn't realize that things like mayonnaise on sandwiches are bad for MY particular body. It was so benign. Everyone puts that on their sandwiches....how was I supposed to know? I didn't realize that adding cheese to something or adding sugar to my tea would affect my body the way it did because it wasn't affecting all the other people my age. I didn't know I was different. But now with the help of doctors I have been able to figure out what I can and cannot eat. And I feel MUCH better. I don't like being different or not being able to have fast food or excess cheese on my fries or whatever else it is that you guys can eat and can stay skinny. But it's something I have to do. And if anyone else is reading this with PCOS or any other weight problem...here's a word of advice. NEVER TAKE ANTIDEPRESSANTS. That was when my weight spiraled out of control. When I was 16 I went to a crack pot doctor that told me I needed to be on antidepressants. What she should have said was "Let's lose some weight and you'll probably feel better about yourself". Instead she gave me a nice big dose of Zoloft and Prozac which in one month made me gain 30 pounds and to this day...four years later...I have not been able to get that weight off. Well...until now. But it's a shame that I have had to spend 5 years of my life correcting a mistake that a doctor made. But I don't have time to care about past losses and..."gains". I'm almost out of the woods. And that feels good.
I want to be here to answer any questions for any girls that have PCOS. Yes, PCOS is a GIRL thing. It stands for Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome so guys...you can't catch it. Don't cry it's ok. Lol. It has taken me a long time to learn how to take care of my PCOS but it's refreshing to be educated on what makes me tick. I have a wealth of recipes for PCO patients and I WANT to help. Please message me here and I will be happy to email them to you.
Picture is of me sending you subliminal messages to eat healthy. Apple...good. Chips...bad. Say it with me folks!
Stay blessed.

End Day 10