Day Five: Rest in Peace, Reese

Today was the worse day I've had in a long time. I always hate it when I do something really stupid. That's always the worst. Because I don't think I'm a stupid person until I do something like this. I guess maybe the thing is that I don't respect things. Or not so much disrespect but I take things for granted. I grew up in a wealthy family. And even though we had money, it wasn't like my sister and I were just GIVEN everything we wanted. We had to work for a lot of stuff that we wanted. Like, I didn't get my first cell phone until I was 16. My dad made me wait for it so that he could instill some kind of notion of "value" or "worth" into my brain. Apparently it didn't work so well because of what happened today.
I guess I've been kind of a spoiled brat my whole life. I mean...not on the scale of Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie...but...I mean...I've been living in the high life since the day I was born. That's thanks to my father who did his best for his family and was always able to provide for us. We didn't have so much STUFF as we DID nice things. Like....shopping or going out to eat a lot. We wouldn't just go to like...Chili's...I mean fancy places in the French Quarter, and we went on some vacations and..I guess we always had pretty full Christmases and birthdays. I don't even remember being any different than any other kid I've come into contact with, but then again I went to private and Catholic schools my whole life. Never once have a set foot into a public school until college. I'm not a demanding kind of spoiled brat...I don't pound my fists on the floor and say "DADDY DADDY GIMME WHAT I WANT"...it's more like I just expect things to be given to me or be taken care of really. But I can't really blame myself. That's how I grew up. But I'm not a jerk about it. Once someone explains it to me, "Well no Katie we really can't do that," either I find a way to pay for it myself or just come to terms with the fact that I can't have whatever I want. So maybe I can minus out the "brat" part and just go with "spoiled".
My first cell phone I ever got was a Motorola Razr. I saw it on TV and it was around the time that I was turning 16 and so I voiced to my dad that that was the one I wanted for my first cell phone. He didn't promise me anything...but I did get it for my sweet 16. And I took care of that bitch like it was made out of solid gold. And honestly...it died mainly from use and old age. It had a nice fulfilling life of a cell phone. Then when I went to college my dad got me a Blackberry Curve. I swear to you...that's when it went downhill. First of all Blackberry Curves are really fragile but I'm not making excuses. The first one I killed was a freak accident. I was lying in bed with it and I had just gotten off the house phone with my mom and I threw the house phone down on the bed and it HAPPENED to land on my cell phone and cracked the screen. I'd never done anything like that before so I bawled my eyes out like a baby. The second Blackberry I got was just stupidity and carelessness on my part. I had it next to the bathtub while I was soaking and it plopped right into the water. That was horrifying. I got a NEW Blackberry after that and that's when I got my iPhone. I had wanted an iPhone for SO long. I had lusted after my dad's iPhone or ages and everyone else's I could get my hands on. But I was in a long-term relationship with my Blackberry. So I couldn't get one. Around Christmas my dad made a deal that if I gave my Blackberry to my sister (who had already gone through two phones and was 16 at the time), I could have an iPhone. Done deal. I gave it to her and got my iPhone for Christmas.
I named him Reese. Reese and I didn't always have the best of relationships. A couple of times he fucked me over and I missed class....once I missed a test! But all in all I loved that iPhone very much. And by an act of sheet CARELESSNESS AND STUPIDITY on my part...this morning I dropped him in the toilet. I was going pee...he was in my pocket...and then he slipped out of my pocket when I pulled my pants up and went flipping into the toilet. Now...he is dead. I spent the whole day trying to revive this thing and for a little while...it worked. But the speaker was messed up so I put it in a box of rice when I got home like the Mac people say to do...and that made it WORSE. Now Reese won't turn on at all.
I am horribly depressed. I feel so down on myself right now. I know people break things all the time and accidents happen but I'm just so fucking careless. It's almost enough to make you want to snap your neck you get so mad at yourself. iPhones cost a bitch load to replace and they have no insurance on them. My dad has basically expressed "Oh well..." and that's all I can expect. I'm an adult now. I can't expect my father to do anything about anything in his current financial situation. I don't...deserve nice things. I don't deserve presents or iPhones or ANY kind of phone really because I'll just fuck it up. So. For anyone who is reading this that calls me or texts me on a daily basis...I'm not ignoring you. I'm just simply...not available.

I guess there is still some hope that Reese will come back alive....but I doubt it.
Don't put your iPhone in your pocket, kids.


End Day 5