So. I'm sure that some of you have realized that there are a few holes in my blog. A few....missing days. I realize this. I am not retarded. I'm sorry if this is distressing to some people. I simply cannot see why as my life is not that interesting and I do not understand why some people NEED to know what happens in my life everyday. Nonetheless, it's flattering. I like that.
I am literally falling asleep right now. I cannot type. I am dozing off in public as we speak. I hate Wednesday nights. It's my early to bed early to rise night. I have to go to bed at 10:00 which is a jolt to my sleep schedule. My body is not attuned to going to bed that early. So when I am expected to all of a sudden I get nervous like "What if I don't get enough sleep". This makes for stress which makes for a restless night. Last night around 10:00 I got into bed with full intention of going to sleep. I flicked on my television, and watched "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" on Food Network, dozing in and out of sleep. Then I started dreaming about ham sandwiches and I was awake again because I was violently hungry. Damn it. I need to stop watching Food Network to fall asleep. That's bad. So I ate half a box of Wheat Thins....look don't judge me...they're my surrogate potato chips. They're the only way I get by sometimes.
Well after that I still wasn't ready to go to sleep so I got on Facebook Chat from my iPhone and saw that my friend Justin was on. Justin and I have this weird relationship. We kind of like...fell into this friendship our first year of college. He was in my College Orientation class and from the moment I saw him I was like, "that's my new friend." Justin is undoubtedly a good-looking guy. He knows his. Quite well actually. And I plopped myself down in the seat next to him and pretty much never got up. I made sure to sit next to him every class because I felt so incredibly special sitting next to him. Do not pick at my 18 year old logic. I was a tard. Justin and I have been on and off friends for a little while now. It doesn't seem like that long but it's been about as long as I've been in college which is forever it feels like. Justin and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of levels. I'm straight edge....Justin is not. I'm Christian. Justin is Buddhist. Justin likes to play with fire. I am afraid of fire. We do love cats though. That's our common ground. Cats. lol.
Anyway. Justin was Jude's roommate for awhile. I sincerely feel like a complete ass for putting Justin and Jude together. I thought they would get along. From what I can tell NOW, Jude doesn't get along with anyone. Because he's a fucking.......ok we're not going to get into how I feel about my ex lol. But at least Jude paid Justin's rent for awhile and so we kind of scratched each others backs like that for awhile. I wish I would have spent more time with Justin. Jude was just busy being anti-social and didn't want to interact with Justin or his friend Kevin because he felt "awkward". That's actually Jude's middle name. Awkward. I've decided that just now. Because that pretty much explains him as a person.
Well Justin just started doing this thing where he fire dances. He's got this huge staff (*giggles*) that he lights on fire and he twirls it around and it just looks really cool. Of course, I'm like SUCH the worry wart so I was like "Ahhh be careful!" And then it hit me..."why am I so concerned about Justin?" Like I was literally freaking out because I thought he was going to hurt himself. But why? Justin and I aren't THAT close. I don't know if he'd ever want to be that close to me. Because we're such different people. But I was like...legit concerned for him.
I feel this need lately to be close to everyone I know. Like I'm running out of time. Like they won't be there someday. I guess it's because I looked at my course distribution sheet the other day and noticed that college is almost over. And I haven't made any close friends here. I used to put priority on that kind of sludge. You NEED friends. You MUST make friends like the world is going out of stock of people to befriend or something. I think it's because people put so much stock in the college cliches. "You make your best friends in college", "Your college friends will be friends for life". My opinion is to just not put stress on yourself like that. Uni isn't the only place where people hang out. And what is this illusion that you NEED a billion friends? But I can't help it. I'm stressing. G and I have been in class together for two semesters now. Y'all remember G from my previous entries. And the thought dawned on me the other day that I'm never going to see G again probably after this semester. That freaked me out. I get comfortable with people. I get comfortable with him sitting in front of me in class and looking at the back of his head. And the thought that he's not going to be there anymore freaked me out whether or not he and I claim to be close to each other. Because we're not. And I don't know HOW to get close to someone like that. Just like I don't know HOW to get close to Justin. All I know is that I want that closeness. That bond. That interaction with someone.
I dozed off briefly last night thinking about Justin throwing flames. THAT was an interesting dream. Because he wasn't using a staff he was just like...generating fire and throwing it everywhere. That was around 12:30. I woke up at 2:30 a couple of hours later. At first I didn't realize what woke me up. I thought I was just awake. This is normal for my insomnia tendencies. All of a sudden I'll just be awake. But no. There was something going on outside. Like...a large group of people hanging outside my window being REALLY loud. At first I thought the building was on fire. Probably because I was dreaming about fire and Justin without his shirt on. I immediately thought something was wrong. So I jumped up and went to the window to see what was happening. From what I could see, because it was pretty dark out, there were about...12 people chilling outside by the volleyball court. They were just...standing there...conversing...at top octave....at 2:30 in the morning. I realized after listening to their conversations that they were extremely inebriated and soon my fears were turned into anger. It's a WEDNESDAY NIGHT! What are you people DOING outside at this hour talking like that, carrying on? Not to mention, some guy named Daniel was apparently trying to get into a fist fight with every male in the vicinity and some girl kept screaming, "Baby stop! Daniel stop it! Just stop!" That was accompanied by loud male shouts that were indistinct. There was also lots of high pitched laughter. I cracked my blinds a little bit and stared down with a look of death on my face and watched the crowd. They were literally standing around in the dark, talking and fighting and carrying on with their drunk selves. I felt like opening my window and pouring acid on all of them.............not that I own a vat of acid. But still. There were AT LEAST 10 of these people. I would say about 12 or 13. I tried calling the security people but no one answered. Great job security. so I laid in bed until about 3:30 and finally drifted back to sleep. My alarm rang at 6 and I seriously considered bailing on class.
But I can't do that. My bio lab is only once a week and Turluck wets his drawers if we don't come to class. And I CANNOT afford to do poorly in that class. It's already a hard enough class to get into, it would look really poor if I failed it and then getting back into the class to retake it would be nothing short of a nightmare. So I dragged my sad ass out of the house and went to lab. We did exactly the same thing we do every time we set foot in that class. We get slides of stuff and look at them under the microscope and draw thumbnails of what we see. Last week it was diatoms, this week it was plant cells. I'm done. I do NOT understand how this pertains to psychology. And Turluck's sickeningly sweet enthusiastic disposition and enthusiasm towards these labs makes it worse. But I suppose I'd rather him be excited than pissy.
Then there's that long ass wait in between lab and psych. I've been planted in this same spot in the library for hours. I'm tired. I'm actually physically falling asleep. I do not know how I am going to survive sitting in that cramped chair for an hour and a half listening to Umbridge talk. Her stories are funny. Her weird sense of humor is entertaining. But on a day like this it's not enough to keep me awake. I would love it if I could use the big, beefy, slightly attractive male, Chris, that sits next to me as a pillow. He's literally within head distance. That's how close our desks are together.................*drools and snores*
*jolts awake* ZOMG. o.o I just fell asleep. C just woke me up. Thank you C....and Facebook...for having such startling chat noises. *shakes it off*
Well. I need to go now. I need to find ways to keep myself awake. I will have nap time later. :) Today's picture is of me in my hat. Making a quizzical face. And failing. Sorry I have no make up on. Well like...a very little bit. I don't wear makeup to school anymore.
Tomorrow is Friday. And since I finished all my Friday homework a few days ago I will catch up on this blog thing tonight. Love you all!
End Day 60
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