Today was one of those days where I could not make myself do anything. Like for real. I just could NOT force myself to do what I need to do. I was kind of living in a fog. Like...I had so much homework to do but all I could make myself do was watch YouTube videos and lie in my bed half-naked unshowered. I think when God said that there will be no work on Sundays I took that way too literally. Like I got up at 11:00 and stayed in bed until two talking to my stuffed animals. Look. Everyone has their idiosyncrasies. Talking to my stuffed animals is just something I do. Get over it. Lol. I didn't really feed myself all day. Like..that's how lazy I was....I didn't even feel like expelling the energy to get up and feed myself. That's what a bum I was today. But this is totally well-deserved laziness. This semester is the most academically and physically trying I've had so far. What they say about upper-division is true...it's harder. People expect more things out of you. I have a 300 level class this semester and it's a huge work load. I'm starting to get nervous about this whole..being a psychiatrist thing. I mean...it's hard. I kind of saw that coming but I'm starting to doubt my capabilities. And that gets me depressed. I can't change my major or give up three years into my education. That's A LOT of time and money wasted and I'm just not going to do this. I WANT to help people...but am I smart enough? Am I truly intelligent enough to go to graduate school and to get that diploma. I have no doubt in my mind that I can survive UL. UL is not the giant foe here. But like...graduate school man...that's tough shit. And especially since I'm not copping out and going all the way to PhD level...I'm really intimidated. Am I really a good enough student to make it? I'm seriously having doubts about myself and I'm really scared. And this weekend make me freak out. Because I completely decided not to do my French homework this weekend and ended up getting points taken off because of sheer laziness. I think...I just get overwhelmed. No one is perfect. The most well-established psychiatrist in the community probably slacked off on his or her French homework a couple of times before they got their degree so it's not like I'm a complete failure. I just get so stressed. It's like during the weekends I'm just so physically tired and mentally drained that I just turn into a zombie. I was so off on my game tonight I literally could not make frozen pizza. I'm so ADD ad distracted and depressed. It was just one of those days were I need to re-wake up and start the day over again. Because I was just messed up from the start. I had a mild migraine that morning and then later on in the night I got really sick. I just had stomach pains and I was throwing up and I was lying on the floor for like three hours next to the toilet. I think it's because the night previous I had eaten fast food. And I'm not used to it so my stomach was like "stop that!" But it was delicious. I love Wendy's. And my friend Heath completely overdid himself and came to get me in the middle of the night to fetch some chicken nuggets. Drove an hour to come see me. AND got a traffic ticket just to get me chicken nuggets. Friendship is great isn't it? But anyway. Anything else I write here is just going to be "feel sorry for me" shit so I'm just going to bed and get back on my game tomorrow.
End Day Twenty-Two
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